Act like an adult

Guests on the ABC's The Book Club have been known to give audio books a spray. I remember particularly Lawrence Mooney's contribution, which made me hopping mad at the time.

Will Self launched into this familiar territory in the September show claiming that listening to an audio book is an anathema to literature, which is by definition words on a page. The popularity of audio books is a sign that adults don't want to grow up and act like adults.

It's very simple. Eyes to get words good. Ears to get words bad. People who listen to audio books need to grow up and/or grow a brain. (If you're visually impaired? I guess you just have to accept that you can never really access literature.)

The exception to this is if you've come along to a public event where Will Self has been invited to read aloud from his own works, like in this video. That's okay. In that case, he's following in the grand literary tradition of Dickens or something.

OR maybe he looks down on everyone in the audience for being so infantile as to listen to words and then to further demonstrate their stupidity at the end by clapping. (Toddlers clap, if you're over 18 you need to snap out of it.)

AND he doesn't like adult colouring in books either. He thinks they're another sign of immaturity. As if! Check this out! I did it last night while listening to a podcast.

How to Get a Love Life (first you need to get a hot boss with good taste in jumpers)

I've just finished listening to How to Get a Love Life by Rosie Blake.

This is the second audio book I've listened to where the female protagonist, a secretary, who is searching for love, ends up with her boss. The last one was The Chocolate Lovers Club, which I pretty much hated.

I didn't hate How to Get a Love Life, perhaps because the boss, James, seemed like a fairly nice bloke. However, the concept of boss-as-ultimate-love-interest is one that I find it hard to go along with. I accept that there are times when a relationship between employee and employer springs up and it's quite lovely and based on equality and mutual respect. However, in general the power dynamics make it a less than ideal set up for love, and it sits uncomfortably with me, meaning that I can't get swept away in the unresolved sexual tension.

In my own private life, I've never been remotely interested in any of my bosses, not even Bernard, Head of Cheese, who was masterful in the deli, so the scenario is not one I can relate to.

Also if you were planning on listening to this book to get some tips on how to get a love life the take home message is: Be a hot secretary but don't realise how hot you are, go on a few disastrous dates while waiting for your boss, who dresses extremely well, to fall in love with you even if he apparently has a super hot model bitch girlfriend.

I think that will work for everyone, yes?

Art and Audio

Unsurprisingly, I love an audio guide. I recently went on a holiday and got a hell of a lot more out of a visit to Château de Valencay due to an innovative audio guide ostensibly narrated by the château's 19th century owner Talleyrand. He led a colourful life by which I mean he had sex with a lot of different people. Hearing about this certainly made looking at his clocks and occasional tables more interesting.

The place where I find audio guides most helpful is in art galleries. 

I haven't always been a huge fan of art. I remember visiting my the National Gallery of Victoria with my sister when I was about 18. The highlight of the trip was when we stopped in front of this picture of a distressed ewe standing over her sick or dead lamb while being encircled by black crows who aren't offering to do CPR or get the defibrillator. The picture's called 'Anguish' and it's not very nice. We looked at it for a few moments, then my sister said, 'This is baaaaaaad'.

I found found that very funny. Ten minutes later I loudly declared 'I'm bored now'.

Ten years later I finally managed some art appreciation. I visited the National Gallery in Washington DC and got an audio guide. I found myself standing in front of Vermeer's painting Woman Holding a Balance. As I listened to the audio guide's description of the painting it helped me to see it and I got why it's considered a great painting. I wasn't bored!

Wars of the Roses

I've just finished listening to The Wars of the Roses by Alison Weir ready by Maggie Mash. I don't know that much about English history apart from being able to name the wives of King Henry VIII, thanks again to Alison Weir's very good book on the subject. I also once listened to an historical fiction novel about King James' gardener and may have learned something, or possibly not, it's hard to tell with historical fiction.

I very much enjoyed The Wars of the Roses, although I became very confused about who was related to who and who they hated. This is where audio books present challenges over book reading, because is is much harder to flip back and check a detail. So I ended up Googling 'Lancastrian family tree' a lot. Also, I'm not sure I'll be able to remember many of the details in a month's time.

My friend suggested that I listen to The Rex Factor, a podcast reviewing all the kings and queens of England. It's been going since 2010 so I am very late to board this train. The show rates the monarchs based on a range of criteria such as battleyness and scandal. Then they decide if they have 'that certain something, that lasting legacy, the star quality...the Rex Factor'. I've never seen The X-Factor (I'm sure it's lovely) but I don't need to, The Rex Factor is clearly a better concept.

I told my friend the podcasts sounded good and said I might listen to the Lancastrian episodes to help get my head around the Wars of the Roses. My friend was firm. She said, 'No. Start at the start.'

So I did, going right back to Alfred the Great and the Saxons. And I'm loving it. The podcasts are a good mix of information and amusing, offhand ignorance. Also, they repeat useful details like, 'He was the one who had the threesome with the mother and daughter', which are invaluable aids to memory and learning.

I'm up to King Henry III, which means I have a good long way to go and they'll be keeping me company for awhile. Whether I've learned anything in the long-run remains to be seen.

Still Listening

I've had a few years away from this blog, but no time at all away from story tapes. Looking back over my previous entries I realised some things have changed since I last wrote.

Cassettes are over
I know they were fairly damn over in 2011 as well, but the Yarra Libraries were kind enough to keep some on hand until 2012 when they finally chucked them all out (I managed to snaffle a few). Cassettes do have some advantages. When you press stop on a cassette it stays in exactly the same spot until you go back to it. You can't listen to a cassette on a device with a screen, so there's no chance of getting sucked into other screeny activities. And, although it's a heart wrenching moment, when a cassette ribbon gets chewed up by the machine, it is quite satisfying winding them back up with a pen.

Anyway, audio books will always be story tapes to me, even when I'm downloading them into my ear-chip implants. It's too late to change.

The line between an audio book and a podcast can be blurry
Many podcasts, including some of my favourites, consist of people sitting around having a chat, and laughing too hard at each other's jokes. But shows like This American Life often tell shorter, scripted stories. To me, it feels a lot like listening to an audio book.

However, I don't feel the need to create hard and fast definitions anyway. 'Listening to voices talking without pictures' is about as narrowly as I'd be prepared to define it.

There's no shame in it any more
For many years whenever I admitted (and it felt like an admission) to listening to story tapes I was met with either blank stares or snorts and condescending comments. I would end up feeling defensive and saying, 'I do read books as well.'

These days I'm having lots of supportive conversations with other audio book listeners from all kinds of backgrounds.

I first realised things had changed when I was in the green room (actually it was a school library, but it still felt glamorous) at a writer's festival last year. Someone said, 'Who actually listens to audio books?' I inwardly sighed and prepared myself to for a solo defence of the format, but before I could start three other people piped up, 'I do.'

I'm not sure why this change has happened. I suspect podcasts and the availability of services like audible have helped, but I'm no expert.

To be fair, it hasn't all been smooth sailing. In 2013 I was disappointed by Lawrence Mooney's audio book shaming comments on the ABC's Book Club, but things are definitely improving.

So, I'm looking forward to writing about what I've been hearing again.

Jonathan Cecil

I just found out that Jonathan Cecil, actor and narrator of more than forty PG Wodehouse audio books, died in September.

Cecil was a fantastic narrator, probably my favorite ever. A lot of Wodehouse's humour, particular in the Jeeves books, comes from his unnecessarily complicated sentences. It takes a lot of skill to articulate these sentences so that the humour comes out and Cecil was brilliant at it. He was also able to do voices for idiotic characters without making any of them annoying, which is really rare for a narrator.

I first listened to a Jeeves book narrated by Jonathan Cecil in Grade Six, and I'm sure it was partly due to his brilliant narration that I became a Wodehouse fan. Cecil's voice is synonymous with the Jeeves and Bertie books for me. When I read them I will always hear his voice.

Tedious Addictions

I'm listening to The Chocolate Lovers' Club by Carole Matthews read by Clare Corbett. It's about Lucy and her gang of chocolate-loving women who meet up in a chocolate shop to solve each other's problems.

I do not like this story tape, including for the the following reasons:

• The main love interest is Lucy's boss. He refers to Lucy as "Gorgeous" and generally sexually harasses her in the workplace. Lucy considers this a good thing, because he is handsome, and because, let's be honest, all we girls secretly want to be the subject of sexual innuendo while we're typin' and filin', it's a complement!
• The concept of chocolate loving as an addiction is eye rollingly stretched. The man in the chocolate shop is Lucy's "supplier". Her chocolate cake is her "fix" etc etc.
• The narrator does bad voices. In particular, Lucy's love interest sounds like a total buffoon. His stupid voice makes it seem even less credible that any woman would want a bar of him.

Having said that I hate it, I have listened to almost the whole thing in two days. What can I say, I'm addicted to story tapes! Sometimes I try to stop but I end up shaking uncontrollably and running right back to my dealer (the librarian).

Creepy

I'm listening to Heavenly Date and Other Flirtations by Alexander McCall Smith. It's a collection of short stories and is read by "various narrators".

The blurb for the book is quite misleading. It refers to "hilarious stories" and I would not have described any of the stories as even amusing.

And some of them are quite sick. The second story in particular is unsettling. I was unsettled from the get go because the various narrator, Simon Pebble had a creepy tone (sounded like he might be about to say, "He looked down at his hands and saw the blood. Blood. Blood. So much blood. He screamed but there was no sound.") At first I thought it was an appalling choice of reader for a light-hearted McCall Smith romp. Then I realised what was going on in the story and I gave the narrator's inflections a big tick of approval.

Most of the the stories are engaging enough, but some don't really go anywhere. What carries the story tape is the various narrators who a really good job of making something out of not much really.

Getting started

I've just finished listening to The Women in Black by Madeleine St John, which I loved.

When I'm listening to a story tape that I'm enjoying I find it very hard to stop. I end up listening to them at inappropriate times. While in the shower (can't really hear), while doing my tax return (can't really concentrate), while getting ready for work (can't really justify the 35 minutes it takes me to eat a bowl of cereal while listening to an audiobook).

But now, having finished The Women in Black two days ago I'm experiencing story tape apathy. Heavenly Date by Alexander McCall Smith is ready when when I am and I'm sure it will be delightful but I just can't quite come at it. I just don't really want to listen to it, even though I know I'll probably love it when I do.

And it's at these weak, uncommitted moments that I turn to Toddlers and Tiaras.

The Women in Black

I'm listening to The Women in Black by Madeleine St John read by Deidre Rubenstein (does good voices: from posh to stridently 'strayan, to hammily continental). It's about the lives of four women who work in the frocks section of a big department store in Sydney in the late 1950s.

I'd seen this audio book in the library a few times but passed over it. Without fully forming the thought, I  dismissed it as chic-lit. I should know better than this (as I've said many, many times, books about women are not necessarily bad) and The Women in Black is very funny and warm and well observed. St John is economical, yet interesting with words.

The only problem with listening to such a cracker jack tape is that it will be difficult to find something to follow it. I just want The Women in Black to go on and on.

Here is a sample.

Who are audio books for?

When I was in high school I convinced a friend of mine who wasn't that into reading to try an audio book. She borrowed one from the library but she didn't listen to it. Her mum made her take it back because "the audio books are for deaf people".

According to my friend's mum, I may as well park in a disabled space without a sticker. But that isn't right (I felt that quite strongly at the time but couldn't articulate why). The car parks close to Coles have no capacity to increase, but the number of audio books can.When I borrow an audio book from the library I am increasing the borrowing rate, which makes it more likely that the library will buy more titles, which increases the resource rather than diminishing it. I'm a champion!

The sad thing is that my friend missed out because of her mum's prejudice against audio books. Her attitude is not uncommon. A lot of people think it's lazy to listen to audio books if you can read the book. But the truth is, not everyone enjoys reading. That doesn't necessarily mean they don't like words or stories.

Anyway, I can't read and cook at the same time. I need audio books.



*Update* Of course that should say "the audio books are for blind people". Giving an audio book to a person who is deaf or hearing impaired is just silly and/or mean.

My first story tape

My first ever story tape was an Enid Blyton Famous Five.

I was in Grade 4 and I don't know why I borrowed it from the library because by that stage I was in my "I only like books about wars and/or death" stage.


A couple of years ago I listened to a Mallory Towers story tape. I remember reading the series when I was a kid and thinking it was a bloody weird, but enticing world of midnight sausages and hockey. When I listened to the story tape as an adult I realised it's not just their timing of snacks that is strange - the plots are like a here's how of bullying and are very different to books written now.

In the world of contemporary Children's Literature: Kid is different. Kid realises being different is okay through appropriate role models and character building experiences.

In the world of Mallory Towers: Girl is different. Girl realises she should stop being different after being shouted at and excluded from the hockey tournament. OR Girl does not stop being different and is punished.

Anyway, back when I was in the Fourth at Newstead Primary School, my family listened to the Famous Five story tape in the car on the way to Wangaratta. It made the trip go a lot faster. Before I knew it, we were in Violet Town and I was a story tape lover.

Priorities

I'm really enjoying listening to Invitation to the Waltz, yet it has been slow progress.

Why?

1. I keep watching crap on YouTube.
2. During my traditional Sunday night baking burden (I make muffins) I used to listen to a story tape but I have recently started watching Escape to the Country instead. I just can't get enough of wet English people being shown houses with everything they asked for, and yet still vacillating. It's so relaxing.

But I think I will give it up. I don't watch much commercial TV and tonight I've seen quite a few things that disturbed me.

1. An advertisement for Today Tonight promoted an hysterical piece on people smugglers and the evil people they smuggle, AND an equally hard hitting piece on the REVOLUTIONARY new swimwear that is guaranteed to suit every shape and size.
2. The host of Escape to the Country was wearing a pink polo shirt with the collar popped.

Music

I'm listening to Invitation to the Waltz by Rosamond Lehmann read by Joanna Lumley (sounds like Patsy from AbFab, but posh like in the hormone replacement therapy episode).

This is a Chivers audio book. One thing I like about Chivers audio books is that there's no extra crap. It's just the book read out loud. Whereas Bolinda audio books always have a snippet that plays at the start and end of each CD. It sounds like a nice idea, but after a couple of CDs it drives me mad. Also, sometimes the music is a bit weird and creepy.

So I say, stop trying to add value and atmosphere, just read the book. Anyway, this one is pretty good. At the start I thought the description might be a bit over blown but the family scenes and dialogue are great.

50 Years of Silence

I'm listening to 50 Years of Silence by Jan Ruff-O'Herne read by Beverley Dunn (if I had to describe her voice I'd say that it's rounded, deep, careful, with just a hint of a quiver that provides gravitas. Sample here). It's a true story about the author who lived in Dutch Colonial Indonesia when Japan invaded. She was interned in a prison camp and then forced to work as a prostitute.

My eye was drawn to this after listening to The Plantation, which touched on some similar experiences in Malaysia.

I've listened to CD one of four. The first part of the book describes her terrific childhood and much fun it was. But when I left off the Japanese had just arrived - major bummer, and just when she'd got that lovely taffeta party frock. I listened to the first CD about five days ago and I haven't gone on to the next disk. I guess I'm a little aprehensive about how horrible it's going to be.

So what have I been listening to instead? Toddlers and Tiaras. I hate myself.

Pronounciation

I'm listeing to The Plantation by Di Morrissey read by Kate Hood.

It's about about a  plucky young Australian woman tracing her family roots back to a plantation in Malaysia.

I've listened to a few Di Morrissey books now and they've all been read by Kate Hood, who generally gets right into the spirit of things.

Her pronounciation is bothering me though because there are quite a few Malay phrases scattered throughout the book and I reckon she's saying them all wrong. I used to study Indonesian awhile back and there are a few simple rules that wouldn't be that hard to put into action. Then again, maybe I'm just ignorant and don't realise the differences between Indonesian and the form of Malay in the book. Or maybe she's doing it deliberately to reflect how the plantation owners would have spoken.

So I can't be sure, and I suspect I just need to loosen up.

Contrasts

To keep my brain fresh and young by learning new things, I am listening to Talking Poofy's poofcasts, which promise to be - "Everything you ever wanted to know about our people, and all the things you were too terrified to ask". I am learning a lot. And cackling.

I've only just discovered the poofcasts and it turns out they have a back catalogue of 40 episodes! Luckily many of them aren't available, because otherwise I might overdose.

Because I'm all about balance, I'm also listening to Love over Scotland by Alexander McCall Smith.

Jeeves

I'm listening to Ring for Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse. I thought I knew exactly what I was getting with this one but I didn't.

Firstly I assumed it would be read by Jonathan Cecil, who I believe is the ultimate Jeeves narrator. Instead it is read by Nigel Lambert. I was concerned, but without cause, Lambert does a great job.

Secondly, I assumed Bertie Wooster would be present. He is not. Jeeves is instead in the service of Bill (Lord) Rowcester. I miss Bertie. Bill is also dim and bumbling, but he doesn't have Bertie's turn of phrase.

Thirdly, the book is explicitly set in the 1950s. There's all kinds of references to the modern world, like television and the welfare state. Not sure I'm a fan of this because Wodehouse is all about escapism for me.

And finally, no-one is trying to get out of an engagement. There is still the classic breaking of the engagement and subsequent reunion plot, but I like this to be paralleled with a fellow trying to get out of  an engagement too.

So not 100% what I was expecting but still absolutely fine to cook dinner to.

Happy Birthday to Me

It was my birthday a week or so ago. I received excellent presents from my sister.

The first was Carry on Jeeves by PG Wodehouse read by Jonathan Cecil. I know I've said before that I don't need to own audiobooks, but there are exceptions. Carry on Jeeves is a classic. I now know I can now listen to it any time without being dependent on the fickleness of library collections. This will help me sleep at night.

The second present was The Penny Pollard Collection by Robin Klein read by Rebecca Macauley. I loved these books when I was in Grade 4. I actually thought I was Penny Pollard. (It turns out that I'm not though because I'm scared of horses.)

The third present was an Indonesian novel Obsesi. I used to learn Indonesian at Uni and to keep my eye in I occasionally read pot-boilers in Indonesian. This makes it sound like I'm more proficient than I am. I don't understand a lot of the words, but it doesn't really matter, I still get the idea.

So, this was an excellent combination of presents. But did my sister have to scour the streets of Melbourne wandering from shop to shop looking for the perfect present? No she did not. She just went to this shop. They specialise in audiobooks and foreign books. All future present dilemmas solved - something for everyone! Brilliant.

Disease!

I'm listening to The Demon Under the Microscope by Thomas Hager read by Stephen Hoye.

It is a ripper. It's a non-fiction book all about the discovery of the first antibiotic, sulfa. One of my favorite ever subjects at university was The Ecological History of Humans and was all about how diseases have shaped human history. And boy have they! The outcome of wars, colonisation, trade - all of these major forces have been at the mercy of diseases and our ability to deal with them.





So, as an old history and philosophy of science nerd I am flipping loving this story tape. My only criticism is that I find the narrator a little dramatic. He has a habit of extending and then falling away on the last word of sentences, which sounds like he's narrating a movie trailer. You can listen to a sample.